Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
