she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
