get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
