when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
