'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
