you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He did a backflip because drugs
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
