The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
