i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
