You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
