glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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