whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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