We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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