I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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