none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
