I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
