the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
