dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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