I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
