If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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