john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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