A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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