I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
