i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
