I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i've created a new STD.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
