Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
