if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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