just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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