You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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