Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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