No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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