Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
