I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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