I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
