I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
