She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
