My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
