So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
