member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's shark week go big or go home
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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