So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
