Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
