You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
