I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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