i already hear my dad disowning me
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
