she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
