just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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