I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
