mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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