it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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