you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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