I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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